Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
