No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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