She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
