I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
