he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
