im holly from the hills drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
