I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
