Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
