I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
