Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My brain says no but my pants say off.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
