shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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