Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
