i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
