we're blogging at a bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
