You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
