I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
