His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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