I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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