she looked like the before picture.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize