that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
