Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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