it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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