If i come over, it means nothing
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
