he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
