Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
