Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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