The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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