We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Farmville is her only friend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
