Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
