i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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