So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
