I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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