not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
