you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize