on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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