how can u be prego again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
