u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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