i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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