im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
