Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
