I think I am morally bankrupt
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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