Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
