Where are you?
In a non slutty way
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
