Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
