i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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