you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
