You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
