I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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