She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
