My first STD was from a foam party
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
