There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
