Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
