Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
