i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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