upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
