You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
