I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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