apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
