so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Found the puke drawer
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
