Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
