Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
