You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
