Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
