Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
